i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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