I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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