If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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