Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
