You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
