I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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