Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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