Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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