life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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