My nipple is on Facebook.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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