I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
