I just saw a hot homeless man
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
