***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
