he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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