I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A+ Viking dick
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
