last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
