yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
