My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
