for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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