"it" just moved
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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