Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
