My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
