There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
