We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
