how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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