I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
