i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
