Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Welp...herpes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
