still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
