i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
