had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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