...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
