I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
