He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
