You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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