you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
