and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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