I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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