how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
