How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
