I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
