If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
