Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
