Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
being pregnant is like rehab
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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