onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
