I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i drank out of a bidet.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
