two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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