So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
