if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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