need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
